Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
