I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
