Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
