i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
