The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
