she woke up with a sticky ear
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
