So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
