3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
