if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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