I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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