Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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