but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
