Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
