sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
