If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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