the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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