At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
