the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
