Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
