3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
