Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
