I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
