i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
