These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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