I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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