I want to have your abortion
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
