When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
