You just made me feel so damn special
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
