guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
