I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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