bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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