six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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