I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
