Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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