Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
