I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
