White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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