So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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