So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
