You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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