today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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