Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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