just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
