Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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