You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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