I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
