Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
