This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
