No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
