I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
