He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
