Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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