It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
